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10:02am 06/10/2002
  okay, from now on the journal is friends only.
too much controversy for me to handle.
besides, these are generally speaking private thoughts, and i'd like to keep them private.
 
     
3 virgins pop my cherry
 
   
10:52pm 01/10/2002
 
mood: cold
i do need to grow up. i'm a bad person. down. down. down. further down. i feel ridiculous in trying to justify my past actions to someone; because they are contradictory i can't believe how judgmental i was in the past and that i got kicks out of consistently putting people down. and that's pretty fucking sick. i don't think that that counts as badmouthing my "friends" because at the time they weren't. for instance; the gaggle. i made fun of them uncontrollably. everything i had to say about them was negative and that wasn't deserved. i still don't like the idea of it; but the girls are absolutely amazing. mel, nat, kaydi and sarah are some of the cutest girls i've ever encountered. and i regret so much for hating them from the get go. and yet, i'm now criticized and called a hypocrite for evolving as a person & realizing that people are people. like, lorraine has the never to say this to me? after she completley ditched me for erin, who happens to be cooler and radder than me? like, what am i supposed to do/ think of the fact she forgot about me? fuck man. i don't even know what to say.

i talked to ivy poo on the phone tonight. it made me giddy. she's too cute. i luf her to death.

thats all i have to say.

if anyone has anything negative in responce to this--fuck you all.
 
     
9 virgins pop my cherry
 
some day you won't be around   
01:14pm 29/09/2002
 
mood: geeky
i had a fun fun day yesterday. i went shopping with kaydi and sarah. and i realized lorraine is immensely immature. oh well. i got my sex boots...and boy, are they sexy...*drools*

i need to make a new layout for bright like a star, but i'm completely unmotivated...how unfortunate. i want to do version pop my cherry. we'll see.

that's about all i have to say. im going to value village now. and then i have heaps of homework to do. ick.

much love,

miss vieve
xoxoxox

side note: the geeky star looks like me! rock!
 
     
5 virgins pop my cherry
 
push pin my picture to your wall   
10:33pm 26/09/2002
 
mood: disappointed



ive come to one conclusion lately. i will never get over bryan. on my death bed, i will be like.."i'll never forget that adorable grunge boy"...how bloody pathetic. and um yeah. that's my story.

im going to bed...because my life has been a drippy runny depression lately. im so alone is physically sickening. i have no friends well, its not that i dont have friends. its just i dont think none of them LIKE me. i dont think any of them know me. and i don't know as I like very many of them. isnt that grand? i have friends i dont like. i just want someone.. no one to relate to. everyone likes everyone else better than me. im not good at anything. i cant convey the way i think into the words that are needed. i suck at school. im poor. im ugly. im stupid. and.......that's my life. all i have to look forward to. that's going to be my story for the next 70 years. and then my existence will fade. and i'll become some photograph lying in some gutter somewhere. maybe i should just quicken the process. kill me now.
 
     
1 virgins pop my cherry
 
too fast to live....too young to die   
12:12pm 22/09/2002
 
mood: tired



eep! so i had a bloody AMAZING weekend. mel is definitely one of the sweetest girls i know. ill run down the events;
Friday--mel picked me up from school. we went to get her fake her. then we went to licks with my mommy (blushes hehe) and then got ready for the show. we were supposed to meet brent at 10:30, and guess what? he wasn't there. so we waited and waited and at about 10:45, jimmy nova came prancing up (like, i couldve cum) and he asked what we were doing. mel replied, "waiting for brent so he can sneak us in" and jimmy was all like, "oh, come in with me. dont worry about it" so we like, go up with him, and the bouncer STILL asks for id, and he's quite aggressive, and jimmy kind of forgets about us i think. so we go back down & wait for brent. he never shows. but lorraine comes, and gives DIRTY looks to mel. i don't get it...whatever. and then priya and meghann came. we talked for a bit. they went up & came back down to say they saw brent. so mel asked them to tell him she was downstairs...and priya was like, "but ive never even talked to him!!" hehe. so they leave & come back and apparently brent said "oh shit, i get screwed here" like, um what the fuck? hes the one who offered to sneak us in. whatever. ive lost all respect for that guy. everyone raves about what a nice person he is, but i just DONT see it. and ive never even talked to him. so mel & i went home and made fun of a silly boy.

saturday: we got up at 10. went to brekfast with my mommy. then we went to the old clothing show. THEY HAD BUDDY HOLLY GLASSES. like, REAL ones from the fifties, but they were $30.00 and im hella cheap. but, mel & i got matching pink furry hats. theyre so cute. we wore them all day, and got TONNES of comments. (cant wait to wear them next time, hon...hehe) we went down to queen and took some pictures in sushi alley. heh. and um, took more pictures & then we went to coupe because mel needed hairdye and robin was there and he looked homeless and had hair hanging from his nose. it's was pretty sick. then we went to spadina/college and took more pictures. (i am SO excited about these pictures. i have a feeling they will be amazing. maybe i shouldnt expect so much, because i'm going to be dissapointed). um, we went to IN shoes and they have the greatest boots ever. i have to go back and buy them. then we went back to THE park. took some cute pictures. um. went home. had chinese. went to see the banger sister and went to bed. i had a lot of fun.

im going to have a shower because i feel dirty...

cheers!

miss vieve
 
     
2 virgins pop my cherry
 
why are you still in my eye? will your memory ever die?   
05:32pm 18/09/2002
 
mood: ecstatic



things in my life are actually going quite well...for now anyway. i'm so looking forward to this weekend. can we say BLAST? i luf cheerleader. and smelly melly. yayness all the way! i hope brent doesn't bite..heh. um. yeah.

boys.boys.boys. boo the love department. yesterday this BABE drove me & my friend to school. he's SO hot. and today steven (this uber cute gay boy) were discussing weither or not cute boy *curly hair* was gay. he doesn't think so, so yay. he smiled at me today. and i SO wanted to say something to him...but i was too scared. like, what do i say? he has probably ZERO social skills. but, he's just so cute. i'd love to hold his hand and kiss him. awww. today rob carrassed my back. i think he's so spectacular. too bad he's old enough to be my father (litterally). don't you love crushes that are doomed from the start? eek. there's also a super rad guy ive been talking to latley. too bad he lives SO far away. yeah.

i like ozma. i think they're super rad. SPEAKING OF EMO (even though i wasn't, really) 28 days until the dashboard confessional concert! i am SO excited it's disgusting. i just want chris to look at me, and then my life will be complete. hehe, i'm such a groupie. but meeting him would be like a dream come true. i know he's just a boy, but he's inspired me so much. i guess it's like those lame teeny boppers who say they feel a connection with the backstreet boys. i do feel a connection, though....hehehe.

people in mel's journal say i rock...hehe. yay me.

so, i've decided to try out the name, "vieve" i really think it's pretty...and people say it suits me more than gen. its just so weird. like, ive been gen for HOW long now? since the day i was born (or hatched) basically. it's going to take a lot of getting used to...

picture time!


lorraine & miss vieve at bush (may/02)


lorraine & miss vieve at pride parade 2002


lorraine & miss vieve at the opera house (Sept 6/02)

yepyep.

i guess thats about it. fuck im boring. im stressed a lot about school latley too. oh well.

much love,
vieve
xoxox
 
     
pop my cherry
 
you'd always be there--where are you now?   
05:54pm 09/09/2002
 
mood: depressed



i got home at five tonight. that is absolutely disgusting. i mean, five. how am i supposed to have a life when i'm getting home at five? maybe they don't want me to have one. today @ school sucked. i don't know why...but it shredded my ego entirley. i think i miss something. i don't know what it is, i don't know where i've had it--but i miss it. and i lack it a lot.

friday was fun. i miss toggy.

and my buttons came today---hurray!!!

<3
miss gen*
xoxox
 
     
3 virgins pop my cherry
 
   
10:00pm 05/09/2002
 
mood: lethargic


love them, don't eat them

 
     
1 virgins pop my cherry
 
buried all my lover's clothes   
04:25pm 05/09/2002
 
mood: sad


hm, today was different to say the least. first thing this morning--i was awoken with a changed password. yup, some champ fucking changed my password. i knew it would happen sometime--my password was fucking obvious & had been the same for four years.

school was pretty neat. there was a new girl (even newer than me, ha!) named starr. she's really sweet. that was school.

i fucking saw bryan on the way home. and all the champs from birchmount. fuck 'em all.

tomorrow's the robin FUCKING black show. i'm getting all champed up. i have great classes tomorrow, though. so it should be smashing.

alright, i'll write more when i actually have something to write about.

cheers!

miss gen
xox
 
     
1 virgins pop my cherry
 
geek chic   
11:56pm 04/09/2002
 
mood: ecstatic


eeeekkkk!! yayness..my mommy bought me dashboard confessional tickets!!! i am SO excited. i've been on a cloud for the past hour....hehe...i FINALLY get to see them. and chris shall fall madly in love with me. and we'll get married....har har.

hey, how hard is it to write an angsty entry and submit it once? apparently--pretty tricky..hehe

much love,

miss gen
xoxoxoxoxox

ps)today at school was funfun. im starting to enjoy it. and the cute boy <3
 
     
3 virgins pop my cherry
 
   
09:53pm 03/09/2002
  school is shit. people suck. i'm always going to be an outcast. and my life SUCKS.

teenage fucking angst.
 
     
pop my cherry
 
   
09:53pm 03/09/2002
  school is shit. people suck. i'm always going to be an outcast. and my life SUCKS.

teenage fucking angst.
 
     
pop my cherry
 
i'm just a fucking geek in love with you   
01:30am 02/09/2002
 
mood: accomplished







more pictures coming soon. most important--lorraine & i at the bovine.
 
     
3 virgins pop my cherry
 
   
08:58pm 28/08/2002
 
mood: bitchy
I am 86% Emo

Holy gee whilikers... I am as emo as it gets... I will try to cheer the heck up and stop wiping my nose on my sweater...

Take the Emo Test at fuali.com


sorry i haven't been posting latley. it seems like my thoughts have been a bit too personal.
 
     
pop my cherry
 
   
08:03pm 07/08/2002
 
mood: full
 
     
pop my cherry
 
   
12:27am 06/08/2002
  to all you hole fans reading this:

i'm starting the newest [and raddest] hole fansite on the web..and i need your help!

i'm looking for any submissions you might have--pictures, stories, fanart, fansites, poetry, ect..i would really appreciate it. you can send everything to miss_gen@whoreable.com

i'm also hoping to do a fan profile page, so if you're interested please send the following details to miss_gen@whoreable.com

name:
email:
website:
age:
location:
favourite bands:
favourite hole song:
if you could steal one thing from courtneys house--what would it be?
describe yourself in five words:

**AND a picture if you have one. gifs or jpgs only please..and try to make it under 200 kb pretty please**

thank you SO mcuh, and please, please, please help me out

much love,
miss gen
xxx
 
     
1 virgins pop my cherry
 
i'm shaking at your touch--i like you way too much   
03:52am 02/08/2002
 
mood: cynical



i have a lot to go on about, so you should probably just leave now. god knows i never disappoint in the boredom department.

firstly--why do people feel it necessary to change and conform to other's ideals and stereotypes. it's like a constant battle with the world to be perfect. to be ideal. to be stereotypical. to be the one everyone strives to be. but it's all for the wrong reason. people should be who they are. they shouldn't be criticized for it. people shouldn't see it as odd. you should have the freedom to look how you want. think the way you want..and speak the words you want to see. society will never be flawless that's understandable. i'm not asking for perfection. i just want to be able to go by un judged. i can't help it that people aren't comfortable in them selves and feel it's a necessity to criticize those who are [myself]. you know what? i'm not going to claim to be comfortable with myself--because i'm not. and why aren't i? because of the twats who make me feel like absolute shit. i like the way i dress. i like the music i listen to and the words i say. i don't do it to impress anyone. i'm tired of those who do dress the way they do giving me hassle because i'm not like them. we're not all perfect like you are...and i apologize. i'm often tagged at a failure..and here's one time i won't disappoint.

next on the agenda..i've decided what i miss about bryan the most. our conversations. very simple, yes. but he wasn't afraid to express his opinion with me. he provoked my thought and often times made me question what exactly i was saying and why i was saying it. i felt like i needed to work to prove my point with him, and i loved it. he stimulated my mind which isn't something i can often say with people, regardless of age. we had amazing discussions, and though they were often heated--we were never angry. he changed my outlook on many things, and i hope that was on both behalves. he wasn't afraid to express an opinion other than mine, unlike most people. i got more than 2 letter responses and that excited me. and i really miss it. no matter how hard i attempt, no matter who i'm talking to the heated discussions prove futile and boring. they end in frustration rather that accomplishment. i have nice friends, yes..unfortunately they're all too involved in themselves and their ideas that all i ever get is "for sure" and other comments that make me feel like they don't hear me.

that's another thing, i feel like people don't listen to what i say. yes, sometimes i ramble and express pointless feelings..but that's the operative word--they're feelings. i do have valid points, more often than not. and it makes me really sad that i no longer have someone to relay them to. with bryan, i felt like he listened. i felt like he heard me. i felt like he cared about what i had to say. wether or not he did is irrelevant. but it felt good at the time.

i miss lorraine, yeah it's only been a week since i've spoken to her, but she's one person i definitely enjoy talking to. in this mad confusing world--she's something that's stable. we can discuss things and i never feel like she's looking down on me. intellectually or otherwise. she always gives her opinion without passing judgment and i consistently feel that i am taking something from talking to her. if only i knew more people like her...

speaking of lorraine, i desperately need to get in contact with her, because..guess what? i have bowie tickets..hahaha! i'm incredibly excited, bowie kicks ass. i'm not too thrilled with the whole busta rhymes thing but regardless--bowie still kicks my ass.*swoons at the thought of lady stardust*

i made cherry's band whoreable's site today. it took me 7 bleeding hours and it looks like shyte, but they're in jeopardy of being sued and cherry thinks it would help..so i did it for her. i actually think it's kind of cute :)

ivy's kind of changed my outlook on things tonight. she sent me to this site. it's incredible the suffering these animals go through. and why? because sick fuck humans take complete and utter joy from being "superior"? it doesn't look like superiority to me..it looks like mass destruction. it amazes me that if that were being done to a human, there would be uproar in the street. it would be the biggest devastation ever. but doing it to a pig makes it okay. beating the shit out of a chicken is all right--they have small brains. dissecting a fucking fetal pig is all right, it furthers our knowledge. and for what? so we can have hamburgers? i understand that back in the day the people needed the animals to survive but in a society like ours far more advanced and "civilized" why do we need to be creul and SLAUGHTER these innocent creatures? i'm bewildered.

i want love. and i think it's the one thing in life i will never truly understand or accomplish. i can see myself living alone and being completely miserable. i think that's my inevitable fate. and maybe there's nothing i can do about it. i know i look in the wrong places. but atleast i'm diligently looking..heh. i am superficial, and if i could change it i most definitely would. i need somebody to relieve me. i need someone to sympathize with me. i need someone who will stimulate me. someone who i feel comfortable with. someone who is eloquent and by their very being makes me feel justified. but my attempts are looking feeble..and it's not something i can't shake. it's something i think will always be haunting me. i thought i loved bryan, in fact i know loved bryan..but apparently that's not good enough. i watch romances. i listen to music, and it makes me feel like an absolute failure. it makes me feel hopeless. i'm so earnest about love. it's very important to me..but it just gets in the way.

i guess that's all i have to flood myself with tonight.

much love,
gen
xxx
 
     
pop my cherry
 
longing for that November night   
05:10am 01/08/2002
 
mood: awake



hmm, its august first already? someone shoot me. it's another sleepless night. nearly 5 am..and i'm wide eyed & bushy tailed. maybe there's something wrong with me. i can never sleep, but when i do i'm exhausted and i sleep way too much. or maybe i tire myself out from not sleeping, so i crash and burn. i don't know. but i don't feel..alright right now. kind of spacey for no particular reason. i'm rambling. but that's okay, cuz you're continuing to read it. whoever you are. maybe no one is reading this. in which case i am addressing myself as the you..wow, i'm totally confused right now. about more than that.

i'm so scared about school, and i don't know why. it's the fifth school i've been to..and i've never fretted like this. i just don't think people will like me. they're all so preoccupied with being the great..child prodigies and geniuses..and i think i'll be more out of place than i was at birchmount. high school is all about finding out who you are and trampling other people in the process. i don't want to sound all superior, but i already know who i am. but, that's not good enough and inevitably, i get trampled on anyway. i thought the environment at ase was going to be better for me. but, there still is the competition. there's still all the superiority complexes, it's just on a higher level..it's more like the major league whereas birchmount was college baseball. i don't know anymore. i'd love to just go back to birchmount, but it wouldn't be the same. i've changed..and the state i was in last year was completely different than i am now. i went to that school open, and wanting to find the experience..but now i'm callused towards it. i despise it even. don't get me wrong, i do have fond memories.

but unfortunately the bad overpower the good. i remember the first day i saw bryan..and i cry. i miss him so much. it isn't even the relationship i miss, it's the friendship. it's me waiting for that day he realizes he's infatuated with me. i never expected that day to come. it was always something i was after but would never materialize...and then it did. wiether it was sincere or not is irrelevant..but when i got what i wanted..it wasn't what i wanted anymore. i guess i'm spoiled. but, i remember last october..staring at him. thinking "wow, he's the epitome of beauty"...and him not knowing i existed, or that i dreamt about him constantly..and then i got what i wanted, and as soon as it happened--it was gone again. i know i should be over it by now, i know people are bored of the topic and tired of hearing it..but for the past year he's been everything i've had on my mind. and even heartache can't just make that go away. i know it wasn't right, but part of me is clinging onto the memories. he was just..everything i'd been looking for..and i think that scared me. and now it's like, he's dead or something. and i just want us to be buddies. i just want to be laughing with him at lunch time in the basement. i just want to forget that everything happened...but it was real & i can't forget it. and it's probably my biggest regret as of now.

what have i accomplished this summer? nothing, other than being the epitome of pathetic..master emo kid and AMAZING at wallowing in self pity. i've done nothing. i haven't bettered myself. haven't made an impact on anyone life. i haven't given anyone exceptional advice, i haven't touched anyone...i haven't even touched myself. i live a sad existence. i won't make a difference to anyone. all in all, i'm a bad person. i scoff at the people who live for god--the people who devote their lives to doing good..and look at how better off they are than me. they're going to touch people. they're not going to do bad and hurt people. that's the story of my life. losing people. hurting people. living a lie, even.


on that incredibly special note, i guess i'll be off. i'm bored out of my head..i'm actually pushing myself out of my head. there isn't enough room. i just want to make sense out of this mess i call my life.


much love,
miss gen
xxx
 
     
pop my cherry
 
hahahaha   
03:24am 28/07/2002
 
mood: amused
ive been laughing for the last 10 minutes..i swear





i am brilliant
 
     
1 virgins pop my cherry
 
she likes to kiss--i'd rather fuck   
11:17pm 26/07/2002
 
mood: high



the last 2 days have actually been eventful and fun...how weird is that??? amongst all this misery and lonliness--i've actually found the time to do my own thing..
today i went to cherry's to plan whoreable's site...lol, and we didn't even once talk about the site. it was fun champing it up with all the 'sters. pantaloons is looking pretty sexy while he goths it out at velvet. i hope the beast is there...a night wouldn't be the same without her.
lol, budweiser at like 2 o'clock makes for a fun day. we went to kensington..and made fun of all the champs. it's amazing how many of you are out there. don't GAGgle too hard. har har. kill me know with a gaggle rock. then we had sushi. i actually like sushi.

yesterday lorraine & i went to brad tv..even though we saw brad for like 20 seconds. then we went to the tequila flats--and get this, I GOT IN. even though i look like a badass 12 year old :). i was SO impressed..bah, i guess they didn't care cuz it was like a thursday, so like whatever. i had a margurita...those things are bloody awesome. so yeah, ive had doors opened.

i miss bryan so much. last night, i added him..but shortly deleted him..im so confused with him. i miss him SO much..like more than anything. i just want things to be like they were, not even when they were "perfect"..even like, when we were friends. i miss talking to him. in this blur of a world, he was one thing that always made sense. and, he wasn't stupid..unlike all the other champs my age. i just, i wish we hadn't have admitted certain feelings. and i wish he never kissed me..that's what killed it. but, ill never forget how special things got..for that VERY short time. i miss him :( i just want to tell him all of this, but of course i cant..cuz ill end up sounding like the biggest IDIOT ever. i really cared for him.. :(



um..yeah, it's me.
 
     
2 virgins pop my cherry